So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
