i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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