sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I sprained my soul last night
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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