Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
