Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
