my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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