omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
