and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
they need to just BURY HIM!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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