i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
