buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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