i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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