Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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