two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
