I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wish there were birth control emojis
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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