Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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