then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
