why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
