bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
