I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
