I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
