Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
wow bdsm is so cute
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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