Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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