Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
