and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
