awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
