I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
