allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
do herpes really smell.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
