just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
