I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish i was in the wii world.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
