there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
