they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
