he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
