worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
