dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
