One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
ttyl tear gas
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
