I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
