Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
cat food counts as protein by the way
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
