So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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