I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
