Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
