Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
