I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
