it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
