I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
