I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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