Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
