and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
