you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
