I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
