matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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