now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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