does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
