"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
