He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
