birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
